A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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