I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
