New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
