i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
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