i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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