gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
