tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
home. puking in laundry basket.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
