Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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