but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
