the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
