i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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