My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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