Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
