so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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