we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize