Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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