i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
