will power is for people who don't want to get laid
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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