apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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