btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
