There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
