I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
