It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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