How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
