yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
