Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
