Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
