I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
