Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
