Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
