Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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