I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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