Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
