you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
