Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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