Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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