The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
