So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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