My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
