Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
