I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
