Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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