Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
