We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
