You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
It's Friday. Sex?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
