I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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