Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
