If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
