I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
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