If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i dont even know how to be here
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
