The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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