the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize