Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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