All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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