I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
