god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
