oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
