I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
