In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
