my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
