I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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