I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
