i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
