Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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