Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
and you fell through a lawn chair
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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