You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
