i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Oh god it's open bar.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
