my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
my god I love twenty year old dicks
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
