I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
