Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
