last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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