You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
