Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
