I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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