My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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