Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I think your dad took our porno
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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