And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
