haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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