God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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