This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
