I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
