I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
