your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
