i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
So squirting runs in the family.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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