Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
