No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
