Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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