okay pat passed out under dana's car
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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