I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
