i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Blood and glitter go together right?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
