I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
