my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
